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I live in a place where making friends is difficult, to say the least. If you don’t belong to a church or are not a stay at home mother (it’s preferable if both apply to you) it’s not likely that you’ll be making any new friends any time soon.
I am what most people around here consider a heathen. And, in their opinion, I will be going straight to hell upon my death. So, no, I do not belong to a church.
I make more than two times what my husband does (which is not very much at all). So, no, I can’t afford to stay home with my kids – as much as I would like to.
With these very dark marks against me, I have very few friends. Add to that the fact that I am extremely shy when I meet new people (to the point that they think that I’m a stuck up snob) and I haven’t been able to make a new friend in a very long time.
So, I tend to cherish the very few friends I do have.
I have two close friends left from my previous, pre-married life. I love them both, but I don’t get to see either of them since I live two thousand miles away.
I really only have one close local friend, or at least I thought I did.
I feel like she is purposely trying to get me out of her life. She’s never been the one to make the initial contact and I just thought it was because she was so busy. Every time I would call her to make plans or just to talk she would respond with “oh, I was just about to call you”. I didn’t realize how annoying this was until one of the calls I made a few months ago.
She’s a stay at home mother. I was on maternity leave for the whole summer. Not once did she call me to see how I was doing. Even though this was extremely hurtful to me, a week before I was scheduled to go back to work I called her with the intention of asking her to go to lunch with me. I knew all of her kids would be in school and I wouldn’t have another opportunity to do such a thing once I did go back to work full-time. Before I even got a chance to ask her she gave me her normal response of “oh, I was just about to call you”. But then, her husband came home for some reason or another and she said that she had to go but that she would call me back later on that day. That call never came.
I called and left a few messages, but never heard anything back until I received an email from her inviting me to one of her friends’ baby showers. Emails were exchanged, and somehow plans were made for us to go see a movie. I left it up to her to let me know when would be good for her since she seemed far busier than me. She never got back to me.
The last time I heard from her was in another email inviting my family (along with a few others) to her husbands 35th birthday get together. We couldn’t attend, nor did I want to at this point.
In addition to her being a stay at home mother, she and her family are ultra religious. I wouldn’t say that they are zealots or anything, but I’m beginning to think that these differences are too much for her to get over. Because without them I couldn’t understand why she would be acting like this. I don’t think that I’ve done anything to make her want to get me out of her life, but then again I could be wrong. Although, I hope I would remember being so awful to a person that they don’t want to be around me.
I’m beginning to resent being the one to initiate contact, and then being blown off as if I’m annoying her. Also, I’m beginning to feel like I’m being a burden to her and she doesn’t see the friendship the same way that I do, even though she has referred to me as her 7th sister in the past.
I’m at a loss as to what to do. Hubby wants me to forget about her since she’s obviously not interested in being friends. I want to try and salvage what I can since she’s the only person I have outside of work and my husband. Am I just kidding myself? Should I take her signals for what they appear to be and move on?
We’ve lived here on and off for ten years. My husband has friends through school (he graduated over a year ago) and work. Obviously, it’s time for me to make new friends regardless of whatever happens with her.
I’d like to meet people who are in the same boat as me – mothers who work a regular 9-5. I’m not even all that concerned about their religious beliefs, though it would be nice if we could go out for a drink (of the alcoholic variety) every once in a while, but even that isn’t necessary. I’ve joined the PTA, though I’m only meeting mothers who stay home with their kids. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m a heathen so I’m not about to join a church just to make friends. Besides, I think Hubby might ask for a divorce if that were to happen.
So, what’s a girl to do?
I channeled Swistle last night.
Although it would have been better had I been at Target, it was almost just as good.
You see, I’ve been trying to get out of the house to buy a dress for a wedding I’m going to next month. This wedding is going to be on the beach, in the Caribbean, the day before Thanksgiving (go ahead, kill me now). Due to this, I needed a nice summery dress. Summer normally ends where I live in the beginning of September, so I knew I was pushing the envelope. Because, with summer ending that meant that the summer wardrobe would be leaving store shelves (if it hadn’t already) to be replaced by comfy sweaters.
I was stressing about not being able to find a dress, even though I hadn’t tried to look for one.
I went shopping last night after work, not to look for the dress (because, apparently I enjoy stressing about something that I can easily solve).
No, I went to Kohls to replace the broken over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders (what, you don’t buy your bras at Kohls? Go easy on me, they were having a sale). After procuring non-broken bras, I wandered over to the section that covers the rest of my body to look for more work shirts (not before checking out the sale that was going on in the baby clothes section – it’s like kryptonite to me).
That’s when I looked at the clearance rack. I never look at the clearance rack, mainly because by the time I get there my size is either gone or what is in my size is horrendous.
That’s when I saw two dresses that would be perfect for the beach wedding. They were 70% off, bringing them to $16 each. And, they were in my size! I bought both of them, because I’m that indecisive and, hey, they were $16.
Swistle would be so proud.
I removed my bra while I was driving at 55mph. What? The underwire snapped and it was pinching me – I just wonder what the guy in the truck next to me was thinking.
When I got home to put on a new one before heading out again, the one I put on was also broken.
The only clean one left is a nursing bra.
That’s right! I haven’t nursed in over two months, but I’m wearing a nursing bra – and boy let me tell ya, it comfy (not)!
The 4th was just over three weeks ago.
After hashing it out some more, Hubby went ahead with the Snip. We both decided that it was the best decision for us.
We discussed how I thought that he would be okay with another one given his reaction to the possibility that I was pregnant again. He said that he wanted to completely go ape shit. He said that he didn’t because if I really was pregnant and he lost it, how would that make me feel? Kind of like when two teenagers realize that they are about to become parents and the guy proposes out of some sort of twisted feeling of responsibility. That made me think, “Holy shit, he really doesn’t want another child, but if I convince him to have one he’ll go along with it but then our relationship will be doomed from then on”.
So, I told him that I was set with the two children we have and to go ahead with it.
Now, according to him, we have to have sex (still protected) another god knows how many times to get the still living swimmers out of his system. Originally, the number of times was a much smaller amount, but had drastically changed after the follow-up visit with his doctor – hmmmm, do you think that this is men banding together to get more sex out of their wives?
So, unless some freaky failure of our current form of birth control happens, we will be a three child household. Oops, I mean two child household – Hubby doesn’t count, does he?
Ok, I know I’ve not posted in … oh, I don’t know how long it’s been, but it’s been a LONG time. I also have a ton of people I need to email, but I can’t get motivated to do that either. I’ve been dealing with some serious baby blues (if not full on PPD). And, to be quite honest, I hate apologizing for not posting. So, I’m going to say that posting is not a priority at the moment and apologies will not be made.
Moving on.
I need help with something.
As you may have guessed, I had a baby about three months ago. I have also been shut out by my aparents (again – more on that another time, maybe) which is why I’m turning to the internets for advice – I have no one else to go to.
Anyway, the pregnancy went ok. Not great (definitely not as easy as my first), but ok. There were a couple of OMG moments, but they were easily dealt with. Actually, these moments were more me freaking out and getting stressed over what turned out to be nothing.
However, the birth is a whole other story. In the end, I had to have an emergency C-section which left me thinking as they rolled me into the operating room that I never wanted to have another child. I had every bad scenario running through my head, most of them leaving my children motherless and my husband without a wife. For those of you who want a detailed description of what it was close to being like, go here.
While I was still pregnant Hubby and I had decided not to find out if it were a boy or a girl. Before the baby was born we had said that if it were a girl we would be done having children. If it were a boy, we would probably have another child to possibly try for a girl.
I was convinced it was a girl. He was convinced it was a girl. The Magic 8 Ball said it was a girl.
I had a boy.
He’s wonderful!
He spent a few days in the NICU, and was on oxygen for 11 weeks. Nights are a little harder than I thought they would be at this stage, but they’ve never been this bad. Breastfeeding was a huge disaster, as it was with our first child. But, apart from that, he’s pretty healthy.
After having some time to reflect on the pregnancy and birth, I’m not sure if I’m done having children. I’m 80% sure I’m done, but not 100% sure.
Hubby says he’s pretty sure he’s done, but the reasons he gives make it sound like he wouldn’t mind having another one. He’s 33 and I’m 31. He says he doesn’t want to have a child who’s still at home when he’s in his 60’s. I understand that. For him to have a child at home while he’s in his 60’s would mean that we would have another child 10 years from now – trust me, I do not want that either. The five years between our two sons is a huge age difference as it is, and I do not want to be pregnant when I’m 40 anyway (if it would even be possible). He also says that we don’t have the finances to support another child. Right now, that’s true. But, in a year or two when we’re doing better financially what will his take be on things then?
Ok, now for a little bit too much information.
About five weeks ago, I knew for sure that I had ovulated for the first time since giving birth. I also knew that we had had (protected) sex a few hours before. So, when I didn’t get my period two weeks later like was supposed to happen, we just assumed that the protection had failed and I was pregnant again. We were both mostly ok with this. Yes, it was a bit too soon since the birth of our second son. And, yes, it would mean that once the child was born I would have to be unemployed because of silly FMLA laws. But we were both prepared to deal with that. Two more weeks went by before I eventually did get my period, which meant that I had either been really late (unlikely for me – I’m usually on time or early) or had had a miscarriage. Either way, I’m not pregnant now.
Here’s where your advice comes in.
Hubby is scheduled for a vasectomy on the 4th. He says he’ll cancel it if I want him to. But I’m not sure if I do. I’m happy with my two boys. I’m pretty sure I don’t want another one, but like I said not 100% sure. I also don’t know if I want the option to be completely gone in less than a week. The surgeon says that the procedure is reversible 90-95% of the time, with a 50% chance of his fertility going back to what it was before. Those odds are not good.
Should I have him postpone the surgery? Should he go ahead with it anyway? Here’s how I look at it. If he’s sure that he doesn’t want any more children, then all the talking in the world isn’t going to change that and he should go ahead with it – right?
I know you can’t make my mind up for me, but any advice or information you have would be great.
